May God's Love be with You- Myspace Relic Edt. 1

This is actually taken from an article i wrote from May 2008.

May God’s Love Be With You

I was sitting in my art class tonight. We were discussing an artist named caravagio, (im sure i mis spelled that) and his painting "the calling of St. Matthew". And we were discussing caravagio's life style. He used to get into bar fights, and was constantly drunk and even considered himself a low life.

The painting which in particular we were discussing was of the story of Jesus calling Matthew to leave his tax collecting ways and follow him. And some speculate as the reason he painted this was because he so desperately wanted someone to call him out of his life and to follow something greater. And i said, i could identify with that.

It was not that long ago that i was pleading the same thing. And a part of me still cries out that. But i found God in that painting tonight.

We are always being asked to leave our mediocre lives and to follow something greater. We are all called to something greater. Now caravagio ignored the calling, and refused to follow. But there is still hope for us.

And it's there i found God. Between all i hope for, and all i need.

Recycling...

This is awkward...I know...I haven't posted anything in a long time. I'm sorry. I've been busy, ya know...i know it's no excuse...don't look at me like that...you haven't posted anything either ya know...this isn't just a one sided relationship here...I'm tired of giving and giving and not getting anything in return...no stop...you know i can't be mad when you look at me like that...alright fine...here we go.

I've made a decision recently, after i was so beautifully reminded of my other blog over on the my space...after rereading a lot of them I've forgotten that their is some pretty good stuff over there. So sporadically I'm going to recycle an old blog post that i feel needs to see some new air, this isn't an effort for laziness...believe me i am lazy but this is not what that is. I just feel as though these blog post didn't get a fair shot at the world, so in order to pay my respect here we go. P.S. My fish died yesterday, i had that fish for almost two years. RIP Nixon...10/20/2008-06/03/2010 You will be missed.

I'm lookin for the brighter days...

It's such a beautiful day outside. I just wanted to drop in and say that God is good, he is faithful, and his love never fails. I am experiencing a time in my life where im having trouble believing in brighter days. I don't know exactly what it is that prevents me, it's a combination of insecurity, lack of faith, lack of will power. Just a perfect storm of everything, but through it all, God is in the middle holding me up.

Everyday is getting a little easier, a little better, but not out of the woods.

Waiting patiently on God, i'm terrified to take another step unless its him pushing me, scared to take another breath until he says "ok breathe" I'm learning a lot about myself through all this, a lot about people. What I'm trying to say i think, is that i have a hard time believing in brighter days, i have a hard time believing that things are going to get better, but i believe that God doesn't have a hard time believing in brighter days. I trust God, i mean what other choice do i have? As far as he's brought me, where else would i go? I live in his temple, and sleep under his refuge.

I just want to say that i believe in people. I do. I believe we all have the capacity to do good, to do right, to be decent people in an indecent time. I believe there's no excuse for lying, no excuse for not treating people with respect, and not doing the right thing even when it's hard. I beg you to be that people. Not be perfect, perfection is impossible, it's impossible to reach the standard set by our savior. I don't believe anyone is too far gone to come back to the person you were designed to be. The only difference between someone who is living for themselves, and living for God is the choices. How you treat people, how you handle yourself, so i beg you again to watch carefully over how you treat people. I know that's a lot, and I'm sorry i typed so much, (stupid conscious) however i just believe in it, like i believe in you.

Yes, this is coming from someone who has been burned by people i love and trust, but it hasn't deteriorated how much i still believe in people. Don't say no one believes in you, because i believe in you. Now just do good.

I love you all....xoxo TM.

Rockafella.

One night i was in a place far from where any yellow city light could touch me. I was out under a sky that was so full of stars that it seemed heavy enough to fall. Yet it didn't, it just stayed there, every star illuminated. And there next to the stars, was the moon. Bright as it could be. I started doing research on stars and constellations and galaxies because naturally that's what i do. I see something cool, and i want to know how it works.
(on a side note, you should research whales, and not just little killer whales, but the big ones, humpbacks and blue whales)

Well as i was doing my research (and by research i mean a thorough "google"), i discovered that stars produce their own light. Which isn't surprising i knew that, but i also discovered that the Moon does not. And this floored me, i mean, the moon was the brightest thing in the sky that night. So how? right, i mean how did the moon get that bright if it wasn't producing any light. What i discovered will change my life forever, and if you would fully grasp it's context, will change yours too.

The moon doesn't produce it's own light, instead it reflects light from the sun on the other side of the world.

(that thought deserved it's own paragraph)

That is what i want to do. Doing what i do, it's easy to get a big head, and to get full of yourself and start to believe that you produce your own light. What i want for my life, is to just reflect light from the sun (i could make a play on words here and spell sun SON, but that would be cliche) I don't want to shine any of my own light, (frankly because my light is not very bright) i want to be like the moon. The moon is just a big rock, full of dirt and holes and is all messed up. That is me, full of dirt and holes and totally messed up. But as long as i reflect God's light onto the world, then i will have done my job.

No i don't want to be a rockstar, maybe just a rock moon.

Stay classy,

xoxo TM.

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

I'm in a funk, i don't know. I don't sleep, i don't eat, it's not that i'm tired, cause i'm not, it's strange. Never really gone through this before, so i don't know what it is. I'm not sick. One week ago i was fine. But through it all God is good. The closer i get to God, the more i feel this way. Anyways, that's how I'm doing, (i know you didn't ask) On to the point.

(if there is one)

Faith is an interesting thing. Sometimes i feel full of it and other times i have little. One morning while talking to God, we were talking about faith, and my lack there of. And i said "God, it's not that i don't have faith, i have all the faith in the world that you CAN do it, but my lack of faith comes from if you WILL do it" And all God said was "exactly"

I'm afraid just having faith that God can do something is not enough, and perhaps that's not real faith at all. Faith, in it's rawest form might just be trusting that God will do it. In the scriptures the greatest examples of faith, wasn't whether or not God COULD do something, it was the faith to wait and watch him DO it.

Look at Elijah, it wasn't enough to just believe that God COULD bring rain, he believed and waited for God to actually bring it. He expected it! I think that's the problem i have. I believe God could bring the rain if that's what he wants to do, i just lack the patience to actually sit out in the hot desert and wait for it to happen, believing, and expecting it to happen.

Anyone seen the bridge?

Hiya,

I hope this finds you doing well, stay close to God.
I'm still riding the high that is the saints winning the super bowl. Being a long time saints fan, this has been a long day coming, and totally by the grace of God has it actually came. Looking back on the season and the play offs it's hard to argue that God certainly played a role in the outcome. As soon as the saints made the playoffs my band and I every week held hands and prayed for their safety. (You see not that they would win, because some find fault in that, but just that they would stay healthy) Funny the way it is.

Anyways, that's not the point of this. Although it sparks the actual point. During the game, one of the announcers said something that i could totally grab a hold of. You see the Saints coming into the game, didn't really change their tactics, they came in and played saints football (blitzing, crazy calls ((onside kick after half time???)) and even challenging plays that would get overturned). And the announcer said "you know, win or lose this game, the saints can definitely say, they did it their way". And immediately God pinned that phrase to my heart.

You see that's what i want. That's what i want for my life, to be said when it's all said and done. Maybe i don't live the longest life, or "win" in the worlds eyes.

But when it's done, and i stand before God, that i can say "you know, win or lose, i did things your way"



P.S. Porter is my new hero.

Probably something I'm going to regret posting right away.

I remember back, I do. I remember leading worship, and being completely broken hearted. I remember, not being able to get through a set without breaking down. I remember being surrounded by people, but being so alone. I remember singing songs, but not believing them. I remember leaving the stage and immediately finding a closet and start weeping. I never blamed you though, i always believed it was my own fault. I remember wondering, where are you now God? I remember the exact sound the heart makes when it brakes, it's silent, it's a deep breath without remembering to take the next breath. It's a realization.

I know i was never alone though. Although it felt that way, all hope was lost. God still you found me, still you held me. When i was breaking down, you were holding me up. While i felt alone, you were in the midst of those people, holding back my tears. When i sang songs i didn't believe, you whispered ("if you only knew") to my heart. You were there with me in those closets, weeping with me.

It's not about those moments, it's about IN those moments, God you never gave up on me. You never let go, you were strong. Give me strength again.

Life is a highway...or (guitar solo's with a broken cable)

The longer i am alive, the more and more i realize some things. I know that is a vague statement. Life is full of decisions. And these decisions are huge sometimes, where should i go to school? Who should i propose to? Which diamond watch should i buy? You know the important stuff. But sometimes it's so easy to get so caught up in these decisions. And in the process get more caught up in the process of making the "right" choice or more importantly not making the "wrong" choice that we skip the whole beautiful process.

We pray to God and ask, "God which school should i go to?" And we get so caught up in the decisions that the only time we really talk to God is when these decisions present themselves. And we find ourselves saying things like "oh you know i just wish God would send me a text message telling me what to do," or this, and you know you've used this one before "if God would just make it clear to me, then i would definitely do it".

But as i progress through life, (or digress), things become more clear. And as i live I am convinced that we have the process wrong. I believe the destination is not as important as the journey to get there. So many times we get caught up in these decisions we forget to just enjoy the Lord. I believe the closer we know God, and the closer we are to him, the easier and clearer these decisions become.

So if we get the process down, if we get the journey down, then the destination likely follows. Obviously, you can't have a destination without a journey. And it's along this journey that we discover God, who he is, what he likes and what he doesn't, what he loves and what he despises. I say all that to say, I hope you are not focusing more on the destinations (the choices) than the journey (walking with God).

On a completely unrelated note, (i can do that, i write these)

"Easy does it now, just keep your mouth shut, She thinks your hot already, don't go and press your luck, no news is good news coming, you got to wait to find, don't go and blow it you do every single time" -JM

The weight of the world in the palm of my hand

How big is God? Better question how big is this life? How big are the problems that come up?

I was working on a set list, and i had been praying and asking God to direct my worship and let me in to what he wants to hear. What songs would please you the most, and two songs came up. God of wonders and God of this city.

Both incredible worship songs and both songs that bring you into the presence of a Holy God. But in the context of these two songs couldn't be two more different settings. One sings of a God who is huge and holds the constellations in his hands (read Jeremiah). The other sings of a God who cares about a people, a detail, a brush stroke in the grand painting, a single city, this city, (Wherever that is for you) For me it tends to be a lot of different cities. (of course the truth being every city...duh i know right?)

But the point is this. God is both. God is both a huge God who holds the world in his hands while we try to carry it on our back, and also a God who loves you, you a single person! Don't get me wrong, i know and understand it's impossible to fathom such a thing, but that is what God really is. Unfathomable. Ah, it's a beautiful day, sun is shining, i hope you are happy. I really do. Here's some scripture.

From

The Message

2 Corinthians Chapter 5

^6-8That's why we live with such good cheer. You won't see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don't get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we'll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming.

^9-10But neither exile nor homecoming is the main thing. Cheerfully pleasing God is the main thing, and that's what we aim to do, regardless of our conditions. Sooner or later we'll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what's coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad.

Connection.

The pro's and con's of connection...

Connection is a wonderful thing. The beauty of being connected with someone, with something, at the core of our existence the need to be connected is found. Having someone or something to share with in joy, in triumphs, in the good news. To be able to celebrate with another person or an organization. This is truly a marvelous thing. However, as it is with life...there is symmetry.

Connection has it's downside as well. And this downside isn't really a downside at all...depending on your point of view (glass half full kind of thing).

To have someone to share with the pains, and defeats of life, the overwhelming feeling of bad. It's nice to know that you will never be alone, even if you feel alone, you still have connection. God is always there ready to catch the fallen. And i don't know how God does it.

It just sucks to be the catcher sometimes, not in a "wow i don't care enough to be here kind of way", but in a "My God, My God this is killing me to witness" kind of way." And sometimes those of us who just have to sit on the side and hold the other person up, it's so hard. All i want to do God is bust in, take charge, deal justice, right what has been wronged to the person we love. But it's sooo hard to just sit here and say "I know baby, I'm sorry, everythings going to be allright"

Don't get me wrong, i know that everything is going to be allright, but it doesn't make the here and now any easier to bear...well...i guess it does. I mean without the hope that God you are going to take care of everything, and that you know what you're doing...what else do i have? Nothing. So really...the only thing i have, we have, in this connection is the hope...that true right now things suck...however...God you know what you are doing and you know what's best.


I wish you would come back for us. My soul is impatiently restless.