Princesses, Dragons, and armor that doesn't shine...oh my.

So trying to blog more. Not that anyone reads these or even is aware they exist. (Which is fine) This process is probably more for me than anyone who does stumble upon them. I was talking to an old friend last night and began to rediscover how crappy guys are sometimes. So i would like to apologize to every girl on behalf of every guy. This is behalf of every scumbag you ever dated, (clears throat)

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry i didn't call you back, I'm sorry i took you to a nice dinner then broke up with you, I'm sorry i talked to that other girl, I'm sorry i didn't text you back, I'm sorry that's all i could think about, I'm sorry I didn't put you first, I'm sorry i looked at that other girl, I'm sorry I didn't listen, I'm sorry i didn't send you a text message every morning telling you just how special and beautiful you really are, I'm sorry for not reminding you that everythings going to be OK, "

Let me start now, maybe fresh,

You are beautiful, you are special and perfect just the way you are, don't ever change, be you and the real you, wake up every morning believing that you walk on the world and not the other way around, carry your confidence on your shoulders and throw away the stupid self esteem issues, understand one thing, God is always there, and though you may get lonely and see all your friends getting married and in relationships, know that God knows what's best, and be patient and wait on him to bring you the prince you deserve. Don't settle for any other guy who will break your heart and treat you like anything less than what you deserve.

Keep the faith, Wait on God, and just dance while you wait.
Much Love.

XOXO TM

A song that took 6 years to write.

Life's crazy. This is just a snippet from a song I've written, it's hard to explain. This is the song about my ex girlfriend. It's been 6years since it ended, and taken six years to write. In no way am i still hung up on her or anything, no I'm in love but not with this girl, but as a songwriter you draw on past experiences, and this experience has had a lot of potential to make for a good song. I was young, (still am) but it felt the only way the experience would be justified is if it had a purpose. A song to come out of it. Truth be told, i haven't copyrighted this song. If you want it's yours, take it and call it your own, the truth is i don't want anything to do with these lyrics anymore. (Think about releasing a dove) I'm only putting some of the lyrics up to give you an idea, a corner of the whole puzzle. I don't think it's right to show the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold anything against this girl. I haven't seen or spoken to her in years, I hope she's doing fine. If this ever gets back to her; and i hope it doesn't, you've got a song about you, while it's not a love song it's still a song and most girls don't get that. I hope you're doing well.
Without further adieu,

"When you walk down the street does the wind cry my name?
When you wonder aloud does it cause you to blame
yourself, cause it's all your fault

That I will not be there, for you.
That I will not be there, when you need me to
When you cry in your bed, at night, all alone
I will not be there, I will not be there"

Alittle something for all the guitarist out there.

I am starting work on my stratocaster very soon. I'm going to code name the project, WeaponXLI. Basically this is the foundation of what i want to do.

I've started on the pickguard but i'm taking the initiative and finishing the work on the body, i'm also going to put in some live lance sanser pickups in it as well. I want to keep you guys updated on it's progress. (Or should i say...the progress of WeaponXLI) I've always been in love with this guitar, something about the color's and the imagery and that combined with the nastalgia of it all, is just something bigger than i am. I understand the mastery behind the situation, it's like trying to hit a home run with the same bat that Ken Griffey used, it's not the bat (or guitar) that makes something or somebody great, it's the hitter, or the musician behind the guitar.


Still there's something really cool about holding an idea in my hands that has been in the hands of a few amazing guitarist. I know that this won't make me a better guitarist, but the idea makes me want to be.

The other side of the creating process.

First off, God is amazing. It's all because of Jesus I'm alive.

So I played the first acoustic set last night. It went awesome, there's just something so raw about the acoustic set. Very griddy, no flashes or lights or fog to hide behind, just me and my guitar. No bang to distract the audience from how you just couldn't reach far enough to hit that last note. And as scary as that sounds, there's just something so much more liberating when it goes well. Like i said, that was the first set. I have two more to go. This Wednesday, which is going to be a real raw worship set, and then of course Remastered Weekend this Saturday Night. I can't wait. Hopefully they all go as well as last night went. As always, Thanks for checking in and thanks for listening and not ever giving up on me. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Remember, all this is your fault for believing in me and i am YOUR biggest fan. I love you all.


TM

Lost.

I'm pretty excited, it's been a while since the last post. I'm getting ready to do a couple acoustic sets. I'm pretty excited about it. Won't have the band behind me to make me look good. I love you all.

The Law of Understanding

The Concept of Understanding.

As soon as you think you understand something, anything. Something else changes and you’re right back to square one. Music, people, God, Life, Love.

I work so hard to try to get to a point where I have a handle on something.

I mean it’s as if climbing a flight of stairs and once you get to the top you see yet another flight of stairs two feet after the first. And you have to wonder, is there a top, is there an understanding coming? Or am I doomed to wander up stairs for the rest of my life and die somewhere in the middle. (Again saying there is a middle is assuming there is an end)

Ok so there is the problem.

And here is the solution.

Let it go. Come to terms with the fact that you will never understand some things. For me, it’s most things. And be ok with it, just sit back and relax, and bask in the wonder of being able to say, “I have no idea how or why this works the way it does, but it works”. There’s a certain freedom in hiding behind the great mystery of everyday life.

This all comes from writing a song about understanding.

“Dying in the staircase waiting for forever”

I’ll show it to you one day.

As always, I love you all.

On an unrelated note, i just thought this was awesome/funny/random/true/maybe not true.

The Thomas Sessions

The process of writing music is crazy. Like it's one of my favorite processes and least favorite at the same time. There's nothing more exhilarating than finding a catchy melody, or fitting the perfect lyrics into places you didn't think they would fit. But what i hate about it, is letting them go.

Writing music is really a lot like fishing or catching birds, when i sit down with the guitar, or at the piano, i am scraping around trying to catch anything, pulling melody's out of the air, trapping harmony's. The part that i hate, is having to let them go. Because i know especially with a good song, I'm going to have to let it go. And that part of the process is the hardest for me. That's why i have songbooks full of songs i haven't released yet. Because the idea of letting something go before I'm ready for it to go, terrifies me. And that's why i hold on to songs that for all intended purposes are ready, but i convince myself that i still need to work on them. "They just need a little tweeking" is what i tell myself.

So I'm going to not just complain about it, but actually do something to better the problem. I'm going to let all those songs go. Make my peace with them, say my goodbye's, and set them free. Free to fly through all of your ears and hopefully find a home in some kids hearts out there. My dream, honestly is for my music to be a bridge between God and a person. Or a person and an earnest longing for God. Please don't give up on me, be patient with me. And help me get this whole process right. I don't say it enough, but thank you, thank you, thank you. And i Love You All. ILYA

Daydreaming.

I am a very visual person. I love pictures, colors, graphs, diagrams, pop up books; you name it. So i think I am going to start accompanying my thoughts with pictures, diagrams, graphs, etc. This way to better express and explain. Thank you.

...starting next post.

?

Why is it that babies hate me and dogs love me?

Hallelujah

So musically speaking…who am i? This is a question I have to ask myself every single day, and some days are more urgent for an answer than others. And the thing is, the answer isn’t always the same thing. One day, I’m strictly a blues guitarist. The next, I’m a bluegrass rhythm player. And the day after that, I’m a vocalist, and then I’m a perfectionist and everything has to be tight. And then other days I’m a rugged anything goes guitar slinger. The interesting thing comes when I think about the genetic makeup of who I am musically speaking.

I recently got the privilege to observe The Sounds of Liberty perform. They are all talented and just did an amazing job. But it started making the “who am I” wheels start to turn. They are just so polished. And I had to ponder about that. I am just not that way. I am not a polished, shined musician. And I have to ask myself, is it just because I’m a toddler in musician years, and that perhaps with time that polish will come; only years of buffing and sanding have taken place. Or am I always going to be a sloppy, rough, and cut up musician for the rest of my life. I feel like I’m a boxer who just got beat up in the ring and then went to a steak dinner at a nice restaurant without having cleaned up first. Just that out of place, feeling.

And it leads down an interesting road. The road is dark and scary, and seemingly consequential. But am I destined to be this way forever? Is it a choice I have? Truthfully, I don’t have the desire to be like that. Like some people just look so pretty when they sing. Eyes closed, just so together with what’s inside them. And I’m not like that. I wish I could be. I wish that I didn’t make stupid facial expressions when I sing. But the thing is, it’s only through those facial expressions that I get out what’s inside. And what’s inside is this desperate excuse of a man chasing God and figuring out what it means to Love him.

When it comes to God I’ve tried everything. Religion, church, good works, everything. The only thing I haven’t really given a shot is to just Love him. Just strip away everything, all the shagginess that drips from me, strip away all the flowers, and just Love God. And I don’t even know how to do that.

And what’s left? A musician with identity disorders who just Loves God.

Hallelujah

orange cream cycle slushy

All right Stop. Collaborate and Listen. Why can’t we convince anyone of anything? Think about it, especially when it comes to belief. It’s impossible. And why is it? I am easily swayed when it comes to shampoo and the newest greatest updates. If someone says it’s better than what I have now, then I want it. Then why, when it comes to belief I’m just not convinced. No matter how many Jehovah witnesses come to my door, they are never going to convince me that what they have is better than my relationship with God. (Frankly because NOTHING is better than that). But I think I’ve come up with a thought on why it is.

When it comes to God, or (spirituality, religion, lack of religion, church, scripture) we attach memories to it. We can’t help it. We attach personal things that have happened in association with it. Whether it’s God, or Church, or religion; we attach memories. Such as “that time Becky invited me to church and then went out and partied with me the night after.” Or “the time that Pastor said I should leave because I was asking too many questions”. Or even “the doctors all said I had only six months to live so I prayed to God, and here I am six years later still breathing”. Here let me illustrate.

You see it’s not a problem with the message. There’s nothing wrong with the transmission, it’s just the transmitter is broken. The problem is us.

In order for us to convince anyone to believe, we would have to attend to each and every single one of those memories that those people have. And frankly it’s impossible, because we were not there with them in their memories. The problem is us. We are incapable of doing such a thing.

But God is not. You see, only God can attend to each memory and meet that person where they are. And God is the only one that can do it.

Why?

Because only God was there with them. While each memory played out, God was there. God was there shaking his head in shame when Becky invited you to church. And he cried when that Pastor asked you to leave. And he even chuckled when that Doctor uttered the words , “six months”.

belief is a beautiful armor
but makes for the heaviest sword
like punching underwater
you never can hit who you're trying for
some lead the exhibition
and some have to know they tried
it's the chemical weapon
for the war that's raging on inside
oh, everyone believes
from emptiness to everything
oh, everyone believes
and no one's going quietly

-Belief (john mayer)

Jerusalem Sunrise

Hi. On a musical note~ I've been back to the acoustic guitar lately. It's funny though, i love the electric guitar. It's huge. The idea behind it, like the guitar represents something much more grander than i. And no matter how much i try to leave the acoustic guitar, i keep coming back to it. I can never escape it. And when it comes back i wonder why i ever left. I just think there is something cooler about the electric guitar, something smoother, sweeter, the kind of stuff that make everything taste better. But nothing sounds better than a big open E minor chord.

Well I'll be honest. I'm writing. Laying foundation for new music. It's a process. And a work in progress. And I can't wait to show it to you.

TM

P.S.