I remember back, I do. I remember leading worship, and being completely broken hearted. I remember, not being able to get through a set without breaking down. I remember being surrounded by people, but being so alone. I remember singing songs, but not believing them. I remember leaving the stage and immediately finding a closet and start weeping. I never blamed you though, i always believed it was my own fault. I remember wondering, where are you now God? I remember the exact sound the heart makes when it brakes, it's silent, it's a deep breath without remembering to take the next breath. It's a realization.
I know i was never alone though. Although it felt that way, all hope was lost. God still you found me, still you held me. When i was breaking down, you were holding me up. While i felt alone, you were in the midst of those people, holding back my tears. When i sang songs i didn't believe, you whispered ("if you only knew") to my heart. You were there with me in those closets, weeping with me.
It's not about those moments, it's about IN those moments, God you never gave up on me. You never let go, you were strong. Give me strength again.
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