May God's Love be with You- Myspace Relic Edt. 1

This is actually taken from an article i wrote from May 2008.

May God’s Love Be With You

I was sitting in my art class tonight. We were discussing an artist named caravagio, (im sure i mis spelled that) and his painting "the calling of St. Matthew". And we were discussing caravagio's life style. He used to get into bar fights, and was constantly drunk and even considered himself a low life.

The painting which in particular we were discussing was of the story of Jesus calling Matthew to leave his tax collecting ways and follow him. And some speculate as the reason he painted this was because he so desperately wanted someone to call him out of his life and to follow something greater. And i said, i could identify with that.

It was not that long ago that i was pleading the same thing. And a part of me still cries out that. But i found God in that painting tonight.

We are always being asked to leave our mediocre lives and to follow something greater. We are all called to something greater. Now caravagio ignored the calling, and refused to follow. But there is still hope for us.

And it's there i found God. Between all i hope for, and all i need.

Recycling...

This is awkward...I know...I haven't posted anything in a long time. I'm sorry. I've been busy, ya know...i know it's no excuse...don't look at me like that...you haven't posted anything either ya know...this isn't just a one sided relationship here...I'm tired of giving and giving and not getting anything in return...no stop...you know i can't be mad when you look at me like that...alright fine...here we go.

I've made a decision recently, after i was so beautifully reminded of my other blog over on the my space...after rereading a lot of them I've forgotten that their is some pretty good stuff over there. So sporadically I'm going to recycle an old blog post that i feel needs to see some new air, this isn't an effort for laziness...believe me i am lazy but this is not what that is. I just feel as though these blog post didn't get a fair shot at the world, so in order to pay my respect here we go. P.S. My fish died yesterday, i had that fish for almost two years. RIP Nixon...10/20/2008-06/03/2010 You will be missed.

I'm lookin for the brighter days...

It's such a beautiful day outside. I just wanted to drop in and say that God is good, he is faithful, and his love never fails. I am experiencing a time in my life where im having trouble believing in brighter days. I don't know exactly what it is that prevents me, it's a combination of insecurity, lack of faith, lack of will power. Just a perfect storm of everything, but through it all, God is in the middle holding me up.

Everyday is getting a little easier, a little better, but not out of the woods.

Waiting patiently on God, i'm terrified to take another step unless its him pushing me, scared to take another breath until he says "ok breathe" I'm learning a lot about myself through all this, a lot about people. What I'm trying to say i think, is that i have a hard time believing in brighter days, i have a hard time believing that things are going to get better, but i believe that God doesn't have a hard time believing in brighter days. I trust God, i mean what other choice do i have? As far as he's brought me, where else would i go? I live in his temple, and sleep under his refuge.

I just want to say that i believe in people. I do. I believe we all have the capacity to do good, to do right, to be decent people in an indecent time. I believe there's no excuse for lying, no excuse for not treating people with respect, and not doing the right thing even when it's hard. I beg you to be that people. Not be perfect, perfection is impossible, it's impossible to reach the standard set by our savior. I don't believe anyone is too far gone to come back to the person you were designed to be. The only difference between someone who is living for themselves, and living for God is the choices. How you treat people, how you handle yourself, so i beg you again to watch carefully over how you treat people. I know that's a lot, and I'm sorry i typed so much, (stupid conscious) however i just believe in it, like i believe in you.

Yes, this is coming from someone who has been burned by people i love and trust, but it hasn't deteriorated how much i still believe in people. Don't say no one believes in you, because i believe in you. Now just do good.

I love you all....xoxo TM.

Rockafella.

One night i was in a place far from where any yellow city light could touch me. I was out under a sky that was so full of stars that it seemed heavy enough to fall. Yet it didn't, it just stayed there, every star illuminated. And there next to the stars, was the moon. Bright as it could be. I started doing research on stars and constellations and galaxies because naturally that's what i do. I see something cool, and i want to know how it works.
(on a side note, you should research whales, and not just little killer whales, but the big ones, humpbacks and blue whales)

Well as i was doing my research (and by research i mean a thorough "google"), i discovered that stars produce their own light. Which isn't surprising i knew that, but i also discovered that the Moon does not. And this floored me, i mean, the moon was the brightest thing in the sky that night. So how? right, i mean how did the moon get that bright if it wasn't producing any light. What i discovered will change my life forever, and if you would fully grasp it's context, will change yours too.

The moon doesn't produce it's own light, instead it reflects light from the sun on the other side of the world.

(that thought deserved it's own paragraph)

That is what i want to do. Doing what i do, it's easy to get a big head, and to get full of yourself and start to believe that you produce your own light. What i want for my life, is to just reflect light from the sun (i could make a play on words here and spell sun SON, but that would be cliche) I don't want to shine any of my own light, (frankly because my light is not very bright) i want to be like the moon. The moon is just a big rock, full of dirt and holes and is all messed up. That is me, full of dirt and holes and totally messed up. But as long as i reflect God's light onto the world, then i will have done my job.

No i don't want to be a rockstar, maybe just a rock moon.

Stay classy,

xoxo TM.

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

I'm in a funk, i don't know. I don't sleep, i don't eat, it's not that i'm tired, cause i'm not, it's strange. Never really gone through this before, so i don't know what it is. I'm not sick. One week ago i was fine. But through it all God is good. The closer i get to God, the more i feel this way. Anyways, that's how I'm doing, (i know you didn't ask) On to the point.

(if there is one)

Faith is an interesting thing. Sometimes i feel full of it and other times i have little. One morning while talking to God, we were talking about faith, and my lack there of. And i said "God, it's not that i don't have faith, i have all the faith in the world that you CAN do it, but my lack of faith comes from if you WILL do it" And all God said was "exactly"

I'm afraid just having faith that God can do something is not enough, and perhaps that's not real faith at all. Faith, in it's rawest form might just be trusting that God will do it. In the scriptures the greatest examples of faith, wasn't whether or not God COULD do something, it was the faith to wait and watch him DO it.

Look at Elijah, it wasn't enough to just believe that God COULD bring rain, he believed and waited for God to actually bring it. He expected it! I think that's the problem i have. I believe God could bring the rain if that's what he wants to do, i just lack the patience to actually sit out in the hot desert and wait for it to happen, believing, and expecting it to happen.

Anyone seen the bridge?

Hiya,

I hope this finds you doing well, stay close to God.
I'm still riding the high that is the saints winning the super bowl. Being a long time saints fan, this has been a long day coming, and totally by the grace of God has it actually came. Looking back on the season and the play offs it's hard to argue that God certainly played a role in the outcome. As soon as the saints made the playoffs my band and I every week held hands and prayed for their safety. (You see not that they would win, because some find fault in that, but just that they would stay healthy) Funny the way it is.

Anyways, that's not the point of this. Although it sparks the actual point. During the game, one of the announcers said something that i could totally grab a hold of. You see the Saints coming into the game, didn't really change their tactics, they came in and played saints football (blitzing, crazy calls ((onside kick after half time???)) and even challenging plays that would get overturned). And the announcer said "you know, win or lose this game, the saints can definitely say, they did it their way". And immediately God pinned that phrase to my heart.

You see that's what i want. That's what i want for my life, to be said when it's all said and done. Maybe i don't live the longest life, or "win" in the worlds eyes.

But when it's done, and i stand before God, that i can say "you know, win or lose, i did things your way"



P.S. Porter is my new hero.

Probably something I'm going to regret posting right away.

I remember back, I do. I remember leading worship, and being completely broken hearted. I remember, not being able to get through a set without breaking down. I remember being surrounded by people, but being so alone. I remember singing songs, but not believing them. I remember leaving the stage and immediately finding a closet and start weeping. I never blamed you though, i always believed it was my own fault. I remember wondering, where are you now God? I remember the exact sound the heart makes when it brakes, it's silent, it's a deep breath without remembering to take the next breath. It's a realization.

I know i was never alone though. Although it felt that way, all hope was lost. God still you found me, still you held me. When i was breaking down, you were holding me up. While i felt alone, you were in the midst of those people, holding back my tears. When i sang songs i didn't believe, you whispered ("if you only knew") to my heart. You were there with me in those closets, weeping with me.

It's not about those moments, it's about IN those moments, God you never gave up on me. You never let go, you were strong. Give me strength again.