I know you didn't bring me out here to drown

I'm in a funk, i don't know. I don't sleep, i don't eat, it's not that i'm tired, cause i'm not, it's strange. Never really gone through this before, so i don't know what it is. I'm not sick. One week ago i was fine. But through it all God is good. The closer i get to God, the more i feel this way. Anyways, that's how I'm doing, (i know you didn't ask) On to the point.

(if there is one)

Faith is an interesting thing. Sometimes i feel full of it and other times i have little. One morning while talking to God, we were talking about faith, and my lack there of. And i said "God, it's not that i don't have faith, i have all the faith in the world that you CAN do it, but my lack of faith comes from if you WILL do it" And all God said was "exactly"

I'm afraid just having faith that God can do something is not enough, and perhaps that's not real faith at all. Faith, in it's rawest form might just be trusting that God will do it. In the scriptures the greatest examples of faith, wasn't whether or not God COULD do something, it was the faith to wait and watch him DO it.

Look at Elijah, it wasn't enough to just believe that God COULD bring rain, he believed and waited for God to actually bring it. He expected it! I think that's the problem i have. I believe God could bring the rain if that's what he wants to do, i just lack the patience to actually sit out in the hot desert and wait for it to happen, believing, and expecting it to happen.

Anyone seen the bridge?

Hiya,

I hope this finds you doing well, stay close to God.
I'm still riding the high that is the saints winning the super bowl. Being a long time saints fan, this has been a long day coming, and totally by the grace of God has it actually came. Looking back on the season and the play offs it's hard to argue that God certainly played a role in the outcome. As soon as the saints made the playoffs my band and I every week held hands and prayed for their safety. (You see not that they would win, because some find fault in that, but just that they would stay healthy) Funny the way it is.

Anyways, that's not the point of this. Although it sparks the actual point. During the game, one of the announcers said something that i could totally grab a hold of. You see the Saints coming into the game, didn't really change their tactics, they came in and played saints football (blitzing, crazy calls ((onside kick after half time???)) and even challenging plays that would get overturned). And the announcer said "you know, win or lose this game, the saints can definitely say, they did it their way". And immediately God pinned that phrase to my heart.

You see that's what i want. That's what i want for my life, to be said when it's all said and done. Maybe i don't live the longest life, or "win" in the worlds eyes.

But when it's done, and i stand before God, that i can say "you know, win or lose, i did things your way"



P.S. Porter is my new hero.

Probably something I'm going to regret posting right away.

I remember back, I do. I remember leading worship, and being completely broken hearted. I remember, not being able to get through a set without breaking down. I remember being surrounded by people, but being so alone. I remember singing songs, but not believing them. I remember leaving the stage and immediately finding a closet and start weeping. I never blamed you though, i always believed it was my own fault. I remember wondering, where are you now God? I remember the exact sound the heart makes when it brakes, it's silent, it's a deep breath without remembering to take the next breath. It's a realization.

I know i was never alone though. Although it felt that way, all hope was lost. God still you found me, still you held me. When i was breaking down, you were holding me up. While i felt alone, you were in the midst of those people, holding back my tears. When i sang songs i didn't believe, you whispered ("if you only knew") to my heart. You were there with me in those closets, weeping with me.

It's not about those moments, it's about IN those moments, God you never gave up on me. You never let go, you were strong. Give me strength again.